Letting Go

January 26, 2006

Brought Fudge to the vet this evening for her weekly review. She has a fever & hasn’t eaten at all today. Her viral infection has spun out of control where antibiotics no longer works. On top of that, her liver is shutting down from all the Tofeline (for her fever) she’s been taking.

The vet recommends an ultrasound to determine the location of her viral infection & insists that she should continue with her liver supplement which I had taken her off. Fudge absolutely HATES the supplement. She’d spit it out everytime I feed it to her. The vet also suggests different antibiotics to fight the viral infection.

I decided not to take the vet’s instructions. Fudge is dying. No amount of liver supplements, antibiotics and ultrasounds are going to save her. It may buy her some time with us but she’s not happier. In fact she’ll be miserable. Making her take supplements that she hates, subjecting her to more needles & examination by strangers is just going piss her off big time & not to mention cruel.

& just what is the point of doing all this – so that I can spend more time with her? No. As much I want to, but not at the expense of her comfort. My priority now is to ensure Fudge is as comfortable as possible. I can’t do anything about her jaundice but I can fight her fever with Tolfedine even if it means slowly killing her liver. At least with her fever under control, she can eat her favourite food – honey baked ham.

A friend of mine comfort me with these words, “each day that Fudge lives, is a bonus. Live the moment”. So true. Everyday with her is a blessing. How lucky I am, to have known her in this lifetime even though it is only for a few short months.

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11 Responses to “Letting Go”

  1. Celeste Lock said

    Being an animal lover myself, I can imagine the amount of sadness you are going through.My heart goes out for little Fudge and hope that somehow, she may win this battle. Hugs.

  2. Cat said

    Thank you Celeste.

    Sorry about Cotton.

  3. Anonymous said

    my cat died of kidney failure in 2000…i did everything i could and went to every vet recommended but then one day, i looked at him and i couldnt subject his body to anymore medication…i have to accept tt he is dying…all medication stopped and i spent a whole day by his side…i know he was fighting for his life for me so i wont be so sad…so i whispered into his ear tt if he was in such pain and couldnt take it anymore tt it was ok to let go cause i would be fine…tt was in the morning, he passed away tt afternoon.

    gyn

  4. Cee said

    I just ran across your blog and felt I had to comment.

    I lost my cat Elvis almost eight years ago to an illness. He was old and I decided to ignore the vet and just let him go. It was one of the hardest decision I had made.

    I don’t know exactly what you are going through but I can understand it.

    Hugs to you and Fudge.

  5. Anonymous said

    btw, how is dim sum, alex and beauty taking it?…when my cat was sick, the rest of my other cats stood by and never “disturb” him…the mood was sombre…be strong cat and enjoy ur moments wif fudge and for fudge, sweet kisses baby girl…

    gyn

  6. Cat said

    Hi Gyn & everyone,

    Thank you for your encouragement.

    Its definitely a trying time right now. I try to stay strong & not cry, especially when I with her. I hope she’ll live to celebrate CNY & her 4th mth birthday. She’s getting weaker. My help just smsed me this afternoon that Fudge hasn’t eaten anything since morning. Oh well ….

    Alex, Beauty & Dim Sum are coping. Alex is like a surrogate dad to her. He now sleeps with her instead of me. So sweet. I’m sure he’ll be devastated when she eventually passes away.

    *sigh*

  7. CatDonna & Cats said

    It’s better to be dying and surrounded with love, than living in agony.

    As she continues her journey towards death, what matters most is that you’re there with her and she’s not alone.

    You are as much a blessing to Fudge as she is to you. So hang on in there, cat… until it’s time to let go. And I think you both will know when it’s time.

    My thoughts are with you and Fudge in this trying time. Take care, both.

  8. TrainRider said

    Fudge will be happier relieved of the pain she is going through and I believe she knows she has you beside her in her times of agony and that would have brought her much consolation.

    Please take care.

  9. vegancat said

    I think it is wonderful to die in one’s home and surrounded by loved ones. Not every one (human and non-human) can be so fortunate.

  10. vegancat said

    I think Fudge is so fortunate to be dying in her own home and surrounded by loved ones. Many human and animals die such lonely death.

  11. i hate hypocrites who try to "correct" you said

    hey..
    don’t worry. fudge will be in animal heaven. her pain is temporary. i think her happiness being around you and the chaotic bunch far surpass that.

    kisses to all of the meowies!

    ~aliah

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